Erised - Chapter Twenty-Six

[tamchronin]

This is another episode of my shameless November padding technique.  That's right, these pre-chapter breaks to tell you about the warning or disclaimers or notes or nose pickings at the beginning of the story are all a shame.  A shameless ruse to waste your time and add numbers to my story count so that I can win at NaNoWriMo.  If you think any less of me for it, you've obviously never participated in NaNoWriMo.  (Those of you who have, feel free to steal this idea!)

 

 

Laughter is not the thing that some people seem to assume.  Laughing is a way for humans to cope with overwhelming pain.  Honestly, how many of you find tickling to be pleasant?  And yet, tickling others is almost irresistible, because it is almost guaranteed that the victim will laugh.  The funniest jokes are about sex gone wrong, or just sex at all when you're young enough that it's an uncomfortable or scary subject, or about death, or about someone being painfully stupid, or someone getting hurt.  You smile when you see something pretty.  You laugh when you see someone getting hit in the crotch, or when the sourpuss old lady who has made your life miserable walks down the street with her skirt tucked into her panties.

 

When someone dies, laugh.  Not out in public where you'll face the wrath of the sourpuss old ladies, but laugh.  As soon as you are capable, laugh.  It won't make things all better, but it will make them less wrong.  When we laugh with our friends, in a loud and roaring chorus, there is more healing in the room than a convention of psychiatric professionals.

 

 

Chapter Twenty-Six

Whistling in the Dark

 

The silence that followed Snape's story was a long one.  People kept starting to speak, but words failed them all.

 

"I believe I have met your condition for my release?" Snape finally said, voice dripping with impatience, and smug superiority.

 

Hermione stood immediately, looking a bit flustered.  "Yes, of course."

 

Harry grabbed her wrist, shaking his head.  "Don't.  Hermione, he's a Death Eater."

 

She hesitated for a moment, looking at Snape cautiously, and then looking over at Severus.  He seemed to be at just as much of a loss, however.

 

"Harry also knows," Snape said calmly, "that I've been working with the Order of the Phoenix to get rid of the Dark Lord for many years, now."

 

"You're not a very good spy, are you?" Harry accused bitterly.  "Not if Dumbledore ends up dead."

 

Snape flinched, but his eyes were unfathomable pools of darkness.  "There was nothing I could do to save him."

 

"I don't believe you," Harry said.

 

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you the sun would rise in the east tomorrow morning."  Snape rolled his eyes.  "Perhaps that is why you're such an abysmal student."

 

"Perhaps it's because you're a poor teacher," Harry replied coldly.

 

Hermione sighed and walked over to untie Snape.  "Harry, I'm beginning to think you're paranoid.  Would Dumbledore honestly place him in such a position unless there was a great deal of trust between them?  After all, Dumbledore is a Legilimens, if it comes down to it."

 

Harry just curled up on the couch, sulking.  "Yes, and Snape is an expert Occlumens.  Enough to fool Voldemort and Dumbledore, at least, even if he's just as incapable of teaching it as anything else."

 

"That's right, blame me for all of your failings, Potter."  Snape walked over to the table, still laden with food that replenished itself magically and stayed fresh as long as it was there.

 

"You always do your best to make sure I fail, so why not?"

 

James stood.  "Right.  You, bitter old man, shut up and eat.  You, bitter young man who will some day be my son if we don't all die while trying to save the world, just ignore him.  We've got things to do, and no time for bickering over them."

 

"I wouldn't mind more time," Harry said softly.

 

"I believe I have met your condition for my release?" Snape finally said, voice dripping with impatience, and smug superiority.

 

Hermione stood immediately, looking a bit flustered.  "Yes, of course."

 

Harry grabbed her wrist, shaking his head.  "Don't.  Hermione, he's a Death Eater."

 

She hesitated for a moment, looking at Snape cautiously, and then looking over at Severus.  He seemed to be at just as much of a loss, however.

 

"Harry also knows," Snape said calmly, "that I've been working with the Order of the Phoenix to get rid of the Dark Lord for many years, now."

 

"You're not a very good spy, are you?" Harry accused bitterly.  "Not if Dumbledore ends up dead."

 

Snape flinched, but his eyes were unfathomable pools of darkness.  "There was nothing I could do to save him."

 

"I don't believe you," Harry said.

 

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you the sun would rise in the east tomorrow morning."  Snape rolled his eyes.  "Perhaps that is why you're such an abysmal student."

 

"Perhaps it's because you're a poor teacher," Harry replied coldly.

 

Hermione sighed and walked over to untie Snape.  "Harry, I'm beginning to think you're paranoid.  Would Dumbledore honestly place him in such a position unless there was a great deal of trust between them?  After all, Dumbledore is a Legilimens, if it comes down to it."

 

Harry just curled up on the couch, sulking.  "Yes, and Snape is an expert Occlumens.  Enough to fool Voldemort and Dumbledore, at least, even if he's just as incapable of teaching it as anything else."

 

"That's right, blame me for all of your failings, Potter."  Snape walked over to the table, still laden with food that replenished itself magically and stayed fresh as long as it was there.

 

"You always do your best to make sure I fail, so why not?"

 

James stood.  "Right.  You, bitter old man, shut up and eat.  You, bitter young man who will some day be my son if we don't all die while trying to save the world, just ignore him.  We've got things to do, and no time for bickering over them."

 

"I wouldn't mind more time," Harry said softly.

 

Everyone paused and looked around.

 

"Didn't you all just do that already, just now?" Ron asked.

 

"What's happening?" Lily asked, watching as one of the walls shimmered for no reason and then returned to normal.

 

"Oh no," Hermione whispered.  "It's happening here, too."

 

"What is it?" Severus asked, looking around.  "Will it keep happening?"

 

"We've stretched the fabric of reality too far," Hermione said.  "I don't know what will happen, not for certain, but it can't be good."

 

"What is it?" Severus asked, looking around.  "Will it keep happening?"

 

"We've stretched the fabric of reality too far," Hermione said.  "I don't know what will happen, not for certain, but it can't be good."

 

"Is this the end of the universe you were talking about?" Remus asked, frowning and trying to ignore the repetition.

 

Hermione nodded.  "At first I was the only one who noticed it.  I couldn't figure out why, and that's when I started researching time travel."

 

"Congratulations," Snape said, sitting down with a plate of food.  "You're the one who will destroy the universe and everything in it, because you had to meddle in time."

 

"You said it was the other Hermione, the one from your own time, who started it because of Dumbledore's death."

 

"You're both still the same person, even if it doesn't seem like it to you," he explained patiently (for him).  "It may not seem like it, since you've got different experiences, but you're still the same Hermione Granger.  You're still a witch, you're still an annoying know-it-all, you still think Harry is a generally good person even if he is a bit slow about the obvious, and you've still got a crush on Ron Weasley for some unfathomable reason."

 

Hermione turned pink.

 

"You're still a witch, you're still an annoying know-it-all, you still think Harry is a generally good person even if he is a bit slow about the obvious, and you've still got a crush on Ron Weasley for some unfathomable reason."

 

"Hey!" shouted Ron.  That wasn't a skip in time or whatever!"

 

"No.  I just enjoyed saying it," Snape replied with a smug grin.  "In fact, I think I'll say it again, just for emphasis, and to see how many shades of red Miss Granger can turn.  You're still a witch, you're still an annoying know-it-all, you still think Harry is a generally good person even if he is a bit slow about the obvious, and you've still got a crush on Ron Weasley for some unfathomable reason."

 

"I've got the picture!" Hermione shouted, face so red it could have been used to direct traffic.

 

"I think we all do," Severus said.  "Did she really deserve that?"

 

"Trust me, she did," Snape answered and then proceeded to devour the food on his plate.

 

"No.  I just enjoyed saying it," Snape replied with a smug grin.  "In fact, I think I'll say it again, just for emphasis, and to see how many shades of red Miss Granger can turn.  You're still a witch, you're still an annoying know-it-all, you still think Harry is a generally good person even if he is a bit slow about the obvious, and you've still got a crush on Ron Weasley for some unfathomable reason."

 

"I've got the picture!" Hermione shouted, face so red it could have been used to direct traffic.

 

"I think we all do," Severus said.  "Did she really deserve that?"

 

"Trust me, she did," Snape answered, and then stared at the food on his plate.  "Damn it, I just ate all of this.  Must I begin all over again?"

 

Sirius snickered.  "You'll get fat, eating so much.  Might improve your disposition."

 

"Let's not start things between you two, again," Lily said, pushing Sirius on the arm.  "We've got a world to save, remember?"

 

"Yes," he conceded, "but what can we really do, now?"

 

It was a question that everyone was wondering.  What now?  They all turned to Hermione and looked at her expectantly.

 

"I'm thinking," she said, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other and back again.

 

"Right," Snape said, still eyeing his plate.  "I suggest you all dig in.  It will be a while before Miss Granger can come up with an original thought."

 

"I'm really starting to hate you," Hermione muttered darkly.

 

"So am I," Severus said, looking as if he were trying to swallow a bug.

 

"You," Snape gestured to Hermione, "need to learn that life is not a popularity contest.  And you," he gestured toward his younger self, "well, that comes as no surprise to me."

 

"I hate to agree with the old man," James said, before that could go any further.  "But we should all probably eat.  We won't accomplish anything if we sit around grumpy because we haven't eaten."

 

"I'm really starting to hate you," Hermione muttered darkly.

 

"So am I," Severus said, looking as if he were trying to swallow a bug.

 

Everyone paused again.

 

"Well, that was all very out of context," James said brightly.  "Shall we eat, before we have to repeat everything again?"

 

"We can try," Ron said, hurrying over to the table, just in case it disappeared.

Comments

[christmasjedi.livejournal.com]

Erm, okay. That's one of the more creative ways to pad a word count that I've ever seen, I guess. Though I'm a mite confused, because haven't you already reached 50,000 words? ;-)

And you didn't tell us what Snape told them! *pouts*

[tamchronin.livejournal.com]

47147 and leaving for the con tomorrow morning. @_@

I got over 50,000 on the combined total of both novels I was working on, but I can't just shove them into the same word file and call it a novel. (I mean, I *could*, but it wouldn't be right...)

I'm being mysterious. It creates tension. Or something. lol